A Tale of Two Gay Camps

Like most southerners, I do my best to remain polite. It’s the proper thing to do, and it was how my mother and grandmother raised me. Speaking your mind, especially if the comment was unkind or cruel, was just not allowed. However, my southern upbringing sometimes conflicts with the blunt vitriol many gay men use like a battering ram. Like a gay Sybil, I remain in conflict with my two personalities.

Being polite and telling it like it is constantly war within me.

So, today, I shall simply let facts speak for themselves. No judgments. No critiques. No vitriol.

Gay Campground in Poconos

I came upon photos of Camp 2011 in the Pocono Mountains, which is in Pennsylvania for those who are a tad geographically challenged. It was a 3 night party, filled to the rim (oh my!) with barely clothed, almost perfectly sculpted manflesh. Events such as mud wrestling, dolphin riding (on dolphin floats in the pool, for those of you who really needed clarification), dancing at a foam party (a dance floor filled with, you guessed it, foam!), and a score of other activities awaited the campers who decided to pitch their tents at the campsite for the weekend.

DJ’s spun dance beats, disco lights lit up the campground at night, and drag queens strutted on stilettos. Even some adult film stars (that’s the southern way of saying porn stars), such as The Maverick Men (site NSFW) attended the event.

The party was even hosted by Aussie Bum. I love Aussies and their bumwear! Who doesn’t?

Needless to say, it looked to be quite the party. I wouldn’t know from personal experience. I wasn’t there in the foam dancing, or in the mud wrestling, or on the dolphin riding (OK, that just sounds wrong).

You see, as you may or may not already know, I don’t live up north. I live in the south, deep south, like deep in the heart of Texas south, where meat is a vegetable, men adjust their crotches in public while chewing tobacco, and pick up trucks are not only the rage but sport rubber-made testicles. They even have a website where you can purchase them!

A common sight in south Texas

I know. It’s extremely sad.

We don’t have camps like the one in the Poconos, but there are gay campgrounds here. Yes, even in the red Lone Star State of Texas. I’ve even been to such a campground, and let me tell you, it’s a tad different from the one with the foam party, DJ’s, and porn stars. Now, I promised no judgments and to let the facts speak for themselves, so I’m going to remain a true southern gentlemen.

Here are the facts of the southern gay campground:

Throughout the year, the southern campground I’ve visited on more than one occasion hosts theme parties for Memorial Day, July 4th, Labor Day, and Halloween. Attendees don’t have perfectly sculpted bodies. This is Texas after all, where grease and fried foods reign supreme. The lack of perfect bodies doesn’t bother me. I’m not perfect, and in fact, I’ll admit to feeling like the Belle of the Ball when I’m at the campground. It’s a feeling I could grow accustomed to!

The themed weekend parties typically last a couple of nights. Events such as costume contests, barbecuing, and swimming in the above ground pool fill the day and evening. It can be quite relaxing, which I assume is a nice change of pace from all the dancing, wardrobe changing, and hair re-stylying that likely occurs throughout the day at the campground up north. In Texas, you can simply come as you are. Which is nice. At times. Sometimes it’s okay to dress up a little. (oops, I promised no judgments, just facts).

So, back to the facts.

Events are typically relegated to board games, meals with all the fixin’s (I wonder if they eat at the Poconos camp), and chatting poolside with music blaring from someone’s iPod. No DJ comes to spin the discs for us.

Gay campground in Texas

Gay campsite in Texas

Unfortunately, Aussie Bum doesn’t sponsor the themed parties at my campground. I doubt those Aussie Bums would be able to find it. Even GPS devices have difficulty plotting a route along the winding roads that look like they’re leading to Camp Crystal Lake in those old Friday the 13th movies instead of a pride flag waving gay campground.

Beggars, however, can’t be choosers. While my southern campground is nothing like its sister (well, sister might not be the correct word. Maybe second cousin twice removed better fits their relationship), I still am grateful for its existence.

There may be no foam parties, or DJ’s, or scores of perfectly sculpted manflesh, but good guys go to this camp. I enjoy their company over a board game, or while tossing about the horseshoes, or even lounging in the pool. It’s a far more relaxed campground than the one I described earlier. You come as you are and you’re treated like family. You don’t have to be perfect, and you don’t have to be popular. You just have to be you.

In the grand scheme of things, who could ask for anything more? Well, if we’re asking. A few more perfectly sculpted bodies would be nice. An occasional DJ and even a sporadic foam party would make me happy too.

But no place is perfect, I suppose. Not the high intensity camp filled with dancing, debauchery, and divas or the more sedate Texas camp complete with cozy, carefree camaraderie.

All in all, they both sound like heaven to me! So I guess sometimes holding your tongue and being polite allows you to see the good in everything. I guess Mom and Nan (my term of endearment for my grandmother) were right all along. As usual.

Laboring for Provincetown

As my family of five prepares for the relaxing weekend that is Labor Day (yeah right!), I can’t help but think about Provincetown, Massachusetts. (The picture to the left fails to capture its beauty although it makes a good attempt).

For the uninitiated, Provincetown (or Ptown, as those who know her well call her) is a place unparalleled on Earth. When one reaches its shore, either by plane, ferry, or car, the sense of freedom and acceptance one receives here can’t be explained in words. In fact, words are simply not enough. But I will do my best to make my point.

Imagine a place where the stresses and cares of the outside world unfasten themselves from the yoke tied around your neck. Envision a setting where people are friendly and mean it. Picture being in a crowd of people and never once feeling alone.

Many of my non-gay friends often wonder: what’s so special about Provincetown (or Providence-town as many of them call it. Provincetown isn’t Providence, Rhode Island, but few see the difference!)

But I’m eight tracking here.

My non-gay friends cite various paradises they’ve visited. Hawaii. The French Riviera. Costa Rica. The Bahamas. In all those places, they’ve released their stresses, said goodbye to their cares for a few days, and made friends with many happy people.

And I’m happy for them. We all deserve those places.

But for those of us who love someone of the same gender, few places exist where we can truly be free.

I’ve been to Hawaii, Costa Rica, and many places around the world too. The beauties I’ve seen there have truly been exceptional. I certainly don’t deny that. But what my “non-gay” friends have difficulty understanding is that Ptown is where “being gay is normal.” It’s where I can walk hand-in-hand with my husband and kiss him without fear of reprisal. It’s where I meet other gay people like me, who are professional, educated, and just plain fun. In Provincetown, I’ve created so many friendships that I know will truly last a lifetime, despite the distances that may separate us.

So with the coming of Labor Day, which is the last hurrah for Ptown’s tourist season, I think of my friends that I’ve just left and will see again next year. To the Townies who I’ve grown to love–Maria, Michele, Earl, John, Kevin, and Bosco, I look forward to sharing more meals with you next year and probably a few drinks too!

To all my other Ptown friends Mike, Chris, Ron, H.L., Tony, Jerry, John, Gary, Brian, and Mike L., I can’t wait till we trek to tea and spend our days sunning, chatting, and dancing. I’m counting down the days until we are reunited.

And as always, when it happens, it will feel like no time has passed between us at all.

For those who think I’m naive, I know Provincetown isn’t perfect. No place is. But it comes as close to perfect as any place can get. Blemishes exists, but I don’t see them. You always look past the faults of those you love.

And Provincetown, I love you!

 

And so it begins…

With this landmark post. I officially kick off my website and my blog.

I must confess though that starting down the road to creating this site induced more anxiety than writing my novel Moral Authority or going through the publication process. I’m the first to admit that I’m not technologically minded. (Those who know me are at this moment thinking d’uh). You see, I often leave such complicated technological tasks in the hands of my ever-component husband, who seems to be hardwired for this stuff. He speaks in tekkie terms that I don’t understand nor have any desire to.

RSS Feeds?  What’s that? And what am I supposed to feed it? Everyone knows I can’t cook!

A web host I assumed was some fancy spider throwing a party on her web.

A dashboard is located on my car, not the control panel of a program where I’m expected to drive a website. Where the hell’s the wheel?!?!

But with patience, and with a few swerves off the electronic highway, I’ve learned a few tricks even he doesn’t know. I know about widgets and installing plug-ins. I may be a novice, but I know more than him about it now, which makes me feel very accomplished (and boastful)! I can create hyperlinks faster than a fifth grader. While that might not be fast, I’m doing better than a fourth grader. Accomplishment #2! I completely understand RSS Feeds and have even included one on my page, courtesy of Queerty. (FYI: It took me less than a minute to establish that link!)

My technological proficiency, which up until this moment consisted of word processing, sending emails, and browsing the web, increases by the minute. Within the year, I may even be somewhat competent.

I look forward to continued growth in this area, and I’m excited to share my thoughts, rants, critiques, opinions, and more with those of you who stop by for a visit.

This should be an interesting journey for all who desire to take it with me.