A Naked Interview with Author, F.E. Feeley, Jr.

Welcome to “From Gay to Z”! I’m so glad you agreed to sit down for an interview, but when we discussed the details, I did make it clear that all interviews had to be conducted naked. Yet, here you are fully clothed. I mean, really! That’s just bad form.

(laughs)

Seriously, You’ll have to disrobe before we can continue. You can undress here or in the powder room down the hall if you’re shy and need privacy. Although I should warn you that I’ve installed video cameras in the powder room hooked up to a live Internet feed.

(Laughs harder)

So, which shall it be? Here or the powder room? 

Fuck it! I’ll strip down right here.  Speaking of naked, my husband and I have this rule , to keep fighting to a minimum, that if we argue it must be done naked.  Were hippies like that. Haha.  Keeps the fights down to a minimum, you should try it.

Now that does sound like a fun way to argue. Sure helps speed along the making up! Now, that we’re both far more comfortable, let’s begin! Tell us a little about yourself. Whatever you’d like to share, and really the juicier the better! I mean, you’re already naked. You’ve really got nothing to hide now.

Oh, God where to begin?  Well, I was born in Detroit and stayed there most of my life until twenty in probably one of the most interesting places in the world.  Rough place, rough people, real life, it was crazy.  Joined the military, and funny enough, Detroit had been so bad that military life almost seemed like a vacation. Stayed in for three years and then started the whole college thing.

What got you started writing m/m fiction? Was it just the hot man on man sex or was there some other reason?

HA-HA, I love how your questions are asked.  I wrote it honestly for the romance, I am a helpless romantic.  Honestly, I had no intention of running into this genre.  As a matter of fact, to be honest with you, I didn’t know this genre existed until I was part way through my book. I started googling publishers and ran into Dreamspinner and read through their submission requirements.   Once the book was finished, I ran it through a brief edit and was like…fuck it, let’s see.  I nearly had a stroke when I got the email from Elizabeth saying that they were interested in publishing the book.  Blew my mind.  Made me cry actually I had been so upset that day in particular because it had been the anniversary of something really shitty that happened to me and my partner and was totally prepared to call a mulligan on that day.  That email turned my life around real fast, it was like the Universe was saying, “Hey, sorry for the bullshit, smile for a little while.”  But the hot man on man thing is an added plus too.

Tell us about your latest release The Haunting of Timber Manor.

Well, Timber is a ghost story where I was thinking about Shirley Jackson’s House on Haunted Hill, the first scary story I had ever read and I remembered the first line from it has always creeped me out.  “Whatever walks there walks alone.” That has always set the tone and I think, set the bar, for ghost stories.  Stephen King in his book Danse Macabre, cited Jackson’s book as one of the finest pieces of literature in the 20th century.   So, I guess, I wanted to try my hand at a spooky, ghost riddled  house, and my attempt was to change how ghosts are manifested.  I really worked on memory as the reason why ghosts walked the earth.

The gay element, the two guys in the story, was something that just happened.  There is a lack of good gay……what am I looking for….stories out in the main stream world that is worth a damn.  I mean, sure, there were pioneer things like Queer as Folk or The “L” word which to me essentially was a signal that said “We are here, we are queer and we are not going anywhere.” Then there was the triumph of a movie Brokeback Mountain and I was like okay, okay, there we go and I think queer people are hungry for good portrayals of who we are as a culture, as a people, as human beings.  I mean, we have always existed but have been dismissed in histories pages because it fogged up someone’s reading glasses too much.  Ha-Ha. So, I was like fuck it, here we go and I wanted Timber to be a little more than that. I wanted the relationship to be unquestioned and more or less be in the background instead of the forefront as shock value.   I wanted the book to be more about a perceived insurmountable issue that is triumphed by love.

Do you have a favorite character in the book? If so, who and why?

I have to say Francine is my favorite character.  I had all of these events going on, and I needed to find a way to bring the book to a close, and being a student of history, it was a pleasure to take an African American female, someone who was alive during Jim Crow, during a time of discrimination in the deep south, who knew what it was like to be discriminated against, and have her come out and say what Daniel and Hale had was “Beautiful.”  Besides, she was an elegant, knowledgeable, capable, female character and like Joss Whedon (whom I adore), I appreciate a strong female lead.   Actually, to be honest, I envisioned someone like Vivica A. Fox, or Viola Davis, or the beautiful Alfre Woodward to play the character.  Ha Ha, I’m a huge racial diversity slash feminism supporter.  So, since these actresses are so horribly underrated, this was my nod to empowered women in general.

Which character in the book do you think is the sexiest? What makes him so sexy to you, and what do you think the reader will find sexy about him?

I like Hale, I like how studious he is, how strong he is, how much of a rock he is for Daniel.  I have had the fortune of having men like this in my life regardless of how the relationship evolved whether it be romantic or otherwise.  My husband is the best example of that type.   I find confidence, determination, and a “by God we will see this through” attitude to be sexy.

Are the characters and experiences in the novel based on real life people and events?

I think every author draws from life experience to write either the theme for the book or the characters.  You have to have something to go off of.  I think that is what took me so long to write this book or to write at all.  I mean sure, I had plenty of things to say, but didn’t know what I was going to say exactly because I lacked the life knowledge that I think authors possess.  I have always adored certain writers like Stephen King, J.K. Rowling, Dean Koontz, and others for their ability to paint a portrait of the world that they envision.  Your there with the characters, you know their nuances…especially Stephen King where he builds this huge arc of characters and setting before he lets all hell break loose.

As far as going through something like this, a dead relative leaving me millions and a gorgeous Victorian in the North West, I am still waiting on that to happen. HA!

But as far as ghosts, I’ve had my fair share of things that have set my head spinning and creeped me out.  It fills people with fear and wonder at the possibilities doesn’t it? I mean, it’s the greatest question that religion and science both hypothesize about, but can’t quite say for sure.  “What happens when we die?”

I just love a good title. How do you go about choosing a title for your book?

There is nothing profound to say in regards to this.  I simply took the title of the house Timber Manor and suggested that it was haunted to entice people.

What is your current work in progress?

I actually have two WIPS, the lingo that I am catching on to.  One of them is another story about a haunting in an Irish estate and the other is about an economic collapse on a global scale and governments reverting back to monarchies to lead nations and the collective dismissal of technology where pirates rule the seas again.  So, the book is set in the future, how far I am not sure, but its in the future and yes both books will again have a romantic element that carries the characters through.  It’s pretty PollyAnnish but I think love does conquer all.  So….yeah…

Now for some fun questions:

A movie is being written about your life. What would you title the movie and who would you cast to play you?

Oh Jesus.  No that’s not the title. HA-HA.  Uh, The Mundane Adventures of Freddie the Writer…I don’t know. What do you say for questions like this? HA HA.  Me would be the title and I would like a break out artist to play me.

What’s the craziest thing you’ve ever done?

Life is pretty crazy.  So I guess, living life and demanding the reins is by far the most arduous thing I have ever done.  It pisses me off so much sometimes and you can’t find out where ‘lifes’ address is so you can go over to his house and beat the shit out of him for throwing you that unwanted curveball.

What’s the one thing that annoys you the most?

I only get one? Oh, honey, there is so much that annoys me, I think a list is in order.

1)   Wet socks

2)   Politicians

3)   A great beat with shitty lyrics

4)   and people who think they know what you need in your life more than you do

5)   Hypocrites.  Which I guess involves number 2 and number 4.  I hate bullshit do as I say not as I do…I have no problem calling people out on it.

I’m granting secret powers, but you only get one. Which do you want and why?

I want the power to be able to Apparate like in Harry Potter.  I hate to fly so I figure if I can just pop in and pop out of where I need/ want to go. I’d be well traveled.

Which cartoon character best represents your personality?

She-Ra Princess of Power.  LMAO. Just kidding.  Shit…I dunno….uh, I would hope that I would be cool like Bugs Bunny but I am such an A.D.D. freak of nature that I mostly resemble The Tasmanian Devil.

Where can we find you on the Internet?

Oh, of course.  Please come and visit me.  You can find me at www.fefeeley412.wordpress.com or at my Facebook page for The Haunting of Timber Manor which can be found by typing the title of the book into the search queue for Facebook and hitting like.  You can also find me under the ‘coming soon tab’ at www.dreamspinnerpress.com or by going clicking here.  So please, yes, come by, say hi, and by all means enjoy the book.  There are more in the works.

Thanks so much for stopping by. It’s been great fun, and yes, you can have your clothes back. I hope you’ll consider coming back for another round of naked questioning after you publish your next novel.

Thank you!  I had fun!

Guest Blog with Chris T. Kat

Jacob, thank you very much for having me on your blog! I appreciate having the chance to get to know some of your readers.

My new novel, a shape-shifter romance, called Secret Chemistry released today. I’m—naturally–very excited about it!

I don’t know about you, but coming up with titles isn’t exactly my strongest suit. Whenever I start a new story the folder usually just gets labeled with the main character’s name. Sometimes it stays this way until the book is finished (worst case scenario). Most often I get some ideas soon after I start writing but nothing really seems to fit. It usually takes me a long time to settle on one title idea and become comfortable with it. I wonder how the process is for other authors?

I like my books to have short titles—it’s just a personal preference—so I try to limit myself to two or three words for the title. On the other hand, I want the title to reflect some of the book’s content or message. In my last release A Purrfect Match the title was a playful hint on Jim’s ability to shift into a cat. I also seem to have a thing for titles that start with the letter S. Secret Chemistry is already the third book to start with this letter. 😉

Secret Chemistry is pretty self-explanatory, I think. Tim and Jay, the main characters, are mates and therefore pulled together by a secret force, a certain kind of chemistry that’s characteristic for mates.  At first they don’t realize what’s going on but at least one of them understands it pretty soon. The secret part in the title stands for various things: their shape-shifting is a secret to the outer world, and their relationship has to stay a secret because Jay’s not a pure-blooded werewolf. He’s a hybrid between wolf and fox and others detests him because of that. Not only do they detest him, no, some of Tim’s pack even go so far as to hunt him solely because he’s not a pure-blooded werewolf.

If you like you are most welcome to participate in the GoodReads giveaway for the paperback version of Secret Chemistry here: http://www.goodreads.com/giveaway/show/40767-secret-chemistry

 

SecretChemistry

Blurb:

Not all werewolf societies are created equal. The one Tim Evans grew up in detests those not of “pure blood”—so when Tim discovers his mate is Jay, a male fox-wolf hybrid ten years his junior, it shocks him, to say the least. Too young to claim his mate and too weak to protect him from the rest of the pack, Tim fears for Jay’s life. When a human gets hold of Jay, Tim believes he has lost him forever.

The next eighteen years are hell. Tim devotes his life to his family and running their stable, but anger and depression threaten to consume him. Then fate brings Jay back into his life. Tim knows Jay feels the same attraction he does—mates always do. So why won’t Jay act on it?

 

Excerpt: From Secret Chemistry, Chapter Two. Tim is waiting for his parents, together with his four siblings.

 

Tim stood at the large windowpane in the living room, gazing outside. Dusk had begun to settle. Shadows crept toward the house, dipping it into darkness. Even the flowers seemed to fold in on themselves. Their bright colors receded to dull variations of gray.

There was no sign of their mother or father.

Tim started to pace the living room. He’d tried settling down with a book like Daniel had done, but to no avail. Nervously, he paced through the room again and again.

That scent kept pushing its way into Tim’s nostrils, growing more intense by the minute. He wanted to howl in frustration but kept his voice to a low persistent grumble. At least he had deduced that the scent came from another wolf, a male wolf. He had to be quite young because he smelled vaguely like Robin.

First, the scent clearly spoke of a male wolf. Second, it had to be a pup. Third, something unknown lingered in that scent, calling out to Tim like nothing had ever done before.

Tim couldn’t deny his interest in other boys. He had tried liking girls, like his buddies did, but no girl had ever aroused him. Some of the other boys, though… yeah, he had jerked off at the thought of some of them.

He knew he was different and had to come out to his family at some point. He preferred that point to be in the future—a future far, far away. His parents would love him, no matter what, but they would be disappointed in him.

Tim shivered slightly. He hated disappointing his family; he valued their opinion and their respect and feared losing that.

That scent kept luring him. It confused him even as it touched something primal deep within him. It wasn’t sexual, more… spiritual, maybe? Tim didn’t know. A low, pained groan escaped his mouth.

“Tim? Are you okay?” Daniel asked, looking up from his book.

Tim startled and almost tripped over his feet. “What? Yeah, sure.”

“Really? You’re… skittish.”

“Skittish?” Tim snorted. “I’m just burning off some energy.”

“You’ll burn a hole in the carpet if you keep pacing back and forth on the same path for much longer.”

Debra, Laura, and Robin interrupted their play to look at Tim. He flushed, and before he could process what he was doing, he snarled at them. Debra cried out, whereas Laura pulled a baffled-looking Robin on her lap.

“Leave me alone!”

“Hey, hey, stay calm, Tim.” Daniel said, setting his book aside.

“Don’t tell me what to do!” Tim shot back hotly.

Annoyed, he wiped sweat away from his forehead. It was hot in the room, intolerably hot.

That scent filled his nose completely now, and nothing else registered. Tim staggered; he couldn’t think straight anymore. He could only think of hunting down the originator of the scent, burying his nose into the other one’s fur and never letting him go.

A yelp tore free when Daniel grabbed his shoulders to stop his pacing. Wild-eyed and panting, he looked at his brother. Daniel’s eyes widened before he whispered, “Oh shit!”

“What? What’s going on with him?” Laura demanded to know.

“He made Robin cry!” Debra added.

“He did not!” Laura replied. “Look, he’s quiet but not scared.”

A harried smile crossed Daniel’s face. To himself, he muttered, “That’s because he’s not only cute, he totally gets what this is about.”

Tim didn’t have a clue what Daniel was talking about, but the urge to run was too strong now. “Daniel, I have to get out. I can’t stay inside.”

“Tim, I can’t let you go outside. Neither Dad nor Mom would ever forgive me if I let you go outside now.”

Please, Daniel!” Tim pleaded.

He needed to get out, to get to that enticing scent. Whoever the originator was, Tim knew he was in trouble. Tim needed to get him away from the fights; he needed to protect him, no matter what.

“No, Tim.”

Tim shifted, fast. Leaving Daniel no chance to intervene, Tim ran. He jumped over the tea party on the floor, which elicited a laugh from Robin and a terrified cry from Debra. Tim couldn’t stop.

No way could he stop now.

The scent pulled and Tim had to follow.

At the front door, he shifted only partway, so he could open the door. Outside, Tim completed the shift. An eerie howl came from the clearing a few miles away, stopping Tim on the porch. Another howl answered, then more swiftly followed. The wolves had gathered to start a hunt, a deadly hunt.

Tim’s tail tucked itself between his hind legs of its own accord and his fur stood up. That scent became even stronger.

Tim glanced over his shoulder and saw his siblings’ frightened faces, but knew he couldn’t stay at home. Daniel would stay with them and keep them safe; he was sure of that.

I have to go. I’m sorry.

“Tim!”

Author Bio:

Chris T. Kat lives in the middle of Europe, where she shares a house with her husband of many years and their two children. She stumbled upon the M/M genre by luck and was swiftly drawn into it. She divides her time between work, her family—which includes chasing after escaping horses and lugging around huge instruments such as a harp—and writing. She enjoys a variety of genres, such as mystery/suspense, paranormal, and romance. If there’s any spare time, she happily reads for hours, listens to audiobooks, or crafts.

Blog: http://christikat.blogspot.com

Twitter: http://twitter.com/christi_kat

GoodReads:http://www.goodreads.com/ChrisTKat

Facebook: http://www.facebook.com/ChrisTKat

 

Buy link for Secret Chemistry:

e-book: http://www.dreamspinnerpress.com/store/product_info.php?products_id=3520

paperback: http://www.dreamspinnerpress.com/store/product_info.php?products_id=3521

 

 

3 is Perfect: My Interview on Romance with SASS

I’m over at Romance with SASS today talking about polyamorous relationships and my latest release 3This was a fun interview, where I discuss the origins of the novel, preconceived bias on polyamorous relationships, and how my novel breaks some common romance conventions. Click here to read the post.

The Next Big Thing Blog Hop

Tinnean tagged me as part of the Next Big Thing Blog Hop, and I couldn’t have been happier to participate! While I hate chatting about myself, I just absolutely LOOOOOOOVE talking about the books I’m working on. I’m kinda like an expectant mother who rubs her belly while discussing the baby names being considered and the color the nursery is going to be painted. It’s really an exciting time to be in the middle of a work, still trying to figure out all the details that will get me to the ending as I have imagined.

For those of you who don’t know me and have followed Tinnean’s link here, I’m a relatively new author. My first book 3 released from Dreamspinner on October 15. My second book, also, from Dreamspinner, is titled The Gifted One and will be released in March/April. Prior to Dreamspinner, I also self-published a book titled Moral Authority.

Coverdraft2_3_Flores

Moral Authority book cover

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

But, let’s talk about my current work in progress, which is why I’m here as part of The Next Big Thing Blog Hop.

1. What is the working title of your book?

When Love Takes Over is the title, and this book will be Book One of a series I’m calling The Provincetown Series. The books will all take place in Provincetown, Massachusetts, which is, in my opinion, one of the best places in the world. If you’ve never been or heard about Provincetown (or Ptown as it is most commonly referred to), it is a fabulous place on the tip of Cape Cod, where being gay is norm and where acceptance is everywhere. The town is rife with romantic potential with an eclectic cast of characters set amidst its windswept dunes, abundant starry nights, and warm summer days. Provincetown, however, can also present many obstacles to those who aren’t careful. There are no rules in Provincetown, and relationships both solid and newly formed can hit snags among the many scantily dressed men ready to party, the numerous clubs and events with free flowing alcohol, and a casual sexual attitude.

Each book in The Provincetown Series will focus on different main character(s) and chronicle their individual ups and downs as they navigate the sometimes turbulent waters of romance in a town filled with endless opportunities for love and heartache.

2. Where did the idea come from for the book?

My husband and I have vacationed in Provincetown every summer for the past 6 years, and we are currently in the middle of making arrangements for our return this summer. With as much time as we’ve spent there, I’ve witnessed couples destroyed by the surrounding temptations or made stronger and rise above their foibles. With all I’ve seen, I couldn’t help but turn those adventures into novels.

For When Love Takes Over specifically, I wanted to write a light-hearted, fun story about two men, who both had no intention of falling in love. They are polar opposites in almost every way. Zach is an introverted, insecure, struggling author, and Van is an extroverted, extremely confident, porn star. In Provincetown, they are looking for fun and fantasy to escape the problems in their lives, but after meeting each other, love takes over and sends them to a place neither of them ever expected.

3. What is the genre of the book?

This book is a contemporary m/m romance. There are no action/adventure sequences or murder plots. It’s all about the hilarity, hijinks, and happiness that can occur between two stubborn men who fight tooth and nail against a force bigger than the both of them combined.

4. Which actors would you choose to play your characters in a movie rendition?

This actually required some thought as I actually used pictures from the Internet of what I imagined Zach Kelly (the author) and Van Pierce (the porn star) to look like, but if I were the casting director, I would choose Toby Stephens to play Zach and Channing Tatum to play Van.

Toby Stephens as Zach Kelly

Toby Stephens as Zach Kelly

Channing Tatum as Van Pierce

Channing Tatum as Van Pierce

Zach Kelly (how I wrote him)

Zach Kelly (how I wrote him)

 

Van Pierce (as I wrote him)

Van Pierce (as I wrote him)

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

5. What is the one-sentence synopsis of your book?

I have enough trouble writing a two page synopsis. Trying to come up with one sentence is almost impossible. But here goes: After a messy break up, Zach comes to Provincetown looking to find himself and his writing voice; instead, he finds the alluring Van, who causes him to re-think how he’s lived and loved.
6. Will your book be self-published or represented by an agency/publisher?

I’m actually planning on pitching the book/series to Dreamspinner, so keep your fingers and toes crossed for me!

7. How long did it take you to write the first draft of your manuscript?

It took me almost two months to write the first draft, and boy, it was fun being able to throw myself back into Provincetown and experience it through the eyes of Zach and Van.
8. What other books would you compare this story to within your genre?

That’s a hard question. I’d like to think that this novel has a Tales of the City Armistead Maupin-like quality, but that may just be in my own head. 🙂
9. Who or what inspired you to write this book?

Basically like I said earlier, my previous experiences in Provincetown inspired me. I wanted to capture the essence of the city and tell its unique story through the characters who seek solace on the tip of Cape Cod.
10. What else about your book might pique the reader’s interest?

Well, there’s a pretty hilarious scene in a leather shop where Zach and Van first meet. Let’s just say there’s a rather rotund fellow trying to squeeze himself into a full body rubber suit, and what happens when he falls down sets the stage for the main characters to speak their first words to each other. Beyond that, there’s an underwear party, naked men traipsing in the dunes, and two rather hilarious drag queens named Penny Poison and Suzy Wroughtinkrotch (pronounced Rotten Crotch) 😉

Up Next is Lily Grace, who’ll continue the hop on January 14 and and E.M. Feeley Jr., who is scheduled for January 17. Stop by and check them out!

Huehuetlot Ruins the Winter Solstice: A Guest Blog by S.A. Garcia

In 2012, the Winter Solstice receives a bad reputation thanks to the Mayan calendar.

Imagine, the Mayan calendar claims the world will end on December 21, 2012, which is, eeeks, today! Here’s my take on the situation. I bet the problem is due to a pessimistic Mayan calendar designer. Let’s imagine the scenario, shall we? Come with me. Step through the quivering Scooby Doo time portal. Make sure to duck down; it’s a cheap time portal.

Shhh. Let’s watch.

Huehuetlot the disgruntled Mayan calendar maker

Huehuetlot the disgruntled Mayan calendar maker

Huehuetlot the calendar designer is painstakingly inking the calendar in a hot stone room surrounded by his fellow workers. His fellow artists draw greeting cards celebrating the mighty rain god Chac or the Hero Twins, Mayan crowd favorites because they always kick evil’s ass. The frustrated Huehuetlot wants to illustrate the greeting cards, but noooo, his supervisor Inkan, who smells like a rancid billy goat, always wants Huehuetlot to ink the bloody boring calendar.

Precise strokes decorate parchment day in and day out. As he works, Huehuetlot seethes in frustration. His annoyance reaches volcano-hot fury. He decides, “Screw this crap! I’m better than this tedious, boring job.”

Since he is a dedicated craftsman, Huehuetlot finishes painting in the glyph for twenty-one, which looks like a striped football with two dots. He stands up and announces, “Take this job and shove it up your pyramid,” before he marches from the sweltering room. Only Inkan notices his defection. Of course Huehuetlot’s wife kicks him out for quitting his good-paying inking position. Huehuetlot becomes a hairy hermit obsessed with twenty-one.

Since the Mayans vanished not long after, the calendar is never completed. Huehuetlot is right; no one wants his damned boring job.

What the hell, the story sounds as good as anything else I’ve read. I’m not exactly an eschatologist. In fact, I didn’t know what that word meant until I looked up the meaning today. There, I’m confident I am not an eschatologist.

Come on, why pick on the Winter Solstice? Poor Huehuetlot didn’t hold a grudge against the Winter Solstice. The day might be short, but in Mesoamerica, no one feared winter’s threat. Huehuetlot really held a grudge against his crappy calendar painting job.

If Huehuetlot has screwed up time’s eternal flow only on a mental level, he will have pissed off a specific group; holiday retailers looking to rake in the cash this season.

If retail sales are slow this season, blame the problem on Huehuetlot. Why not? I envision people claiming they didn’t bother shopping for Christmas gifts because of Huehuetlot’s calendar snafu. Why shop if the world might end? By the time the embarrassed end-of-the-world believers race to the store on December 22, all the cool gifts will be rain-checked.

Poor Aunt Bessie hasn't purchased her Xmas gifts

Poor Aunt Bessie hasn’t purchased her Xmas gifts

If you don’t receive the perfect gift from your Aunt Bessie, who is also an enthusiastic tabloid reader, blame the problem on Huehuetlot and his calendar. If nothing else, Huehuetlot’s story will be a conversation starter around the holiday table. Thanks to the Scooby-Doo time portal, you have the inside scoop on his story.

Guess what? My latest novel “Cupid Knows Best” has a Christmas themed-chapter.

Here is the excerpt. Enjoy!

BLURB:

When it comes to his professional life, photographer Carl Conrad is at the top of his game. He molds impressionable minds at university by day and jets off to Paris for gallery showings on long weekends. Unfortunately, he pays for it with his disastrous personal life: Carl kicked his boyfriend to the curb after one too many punches, so now it’s just him and his hamsters, one of which he suspects may be a space alien.

Then Cupid takes pity on Carl and hits him where it hurts. It takes Carl all of three seconds to fall head over heels in lust with set design student Marcelino Moya, despite the man’s questionable—okay, deplorable—fashion sense. Convincing Marcelino to give him a chance is the hard part, but Carl is up for the challenge, pun definitely intended.

Marcelino plays hard to get, but he isn’t immune to Carl’s charms. Carl talks him around to dinner, dating, and eventually moving in. There’s just one tiny word standing between Carl and perfect happiness. Why won’t Marcelino say the “L” word?

That's not an SOS those are Mayan numbers

EXCERPT:

I massaged Marcel’s thigh and kissed his forehead. “You created a wonderful party, lover.”

“You really did, Marcelino. Here’s to the return of playful gatherings. You inspire me to drag my sad ass out of my doldrums and throw a private party at the gallery.” Hindy turned and kissed Tim’s cheek. “What am I saying? My fair Tim drags me out in quite an efficient manner.”

Tim fluttered and blushed. “See, I’m stronger than I look.” They kissed in hotter commitment.

How cute. Tim recovered from his near swoon and relaxed back. His fingers curled in Hindy’s hair. I adored how Tim had succumbed to Hindy’s elegant worship.

After he recovered, Tim pointed at our tree. “Marcelino, the tree is delightful. I’ve been meaning to say something all evening.”

“Thanks. When Carl told me he never bothered with a tree anymore, I straightened him, well, you know what I mean, out on the problem. This holiday fiend needs a tree to celebrate the festive season.”

“Of course clever Marcel created our flamboyant rainbow tree.” My witty planner had purchased simple glass ornaments in rainbow colors and artfully arranged them in zigzag waves across the blue spruce. The compact tree’s rounded bulk dominated the room’s right window corner. “I love the sight. I never realized how I missed having a tree.” I stood and bowed toward my guests. “Anyone want more wine?”

Agreements filled the air. I brought an open bottle of pinot grigio and a bottle of Malbec to the coffee table. “Have fun.”

Hindy huffed in annoyance. “Marcelino, when will you properly train this rude beast?”

“Carl isn’t too bad. He’s just a little undomesticated.”

I returned to my cuddle against Marcel. “Why should I bother? You look after me so well I feel content to drift along.”

“That’s not true. I noticed someone has learned how to empty the dishwasher, and no lie, Carl even uses the vacuum cleaner.”

“What a miracle! Dearest, I salute you for transforming Carl.”

“Yeah, right.” I grinned and winked at Cupid, who sat alongside the bewinged Cher doll that passed for our tree’s angel. Yeah, I had started making the domestic effort for my man.

Hindy patted Tim’s knee. His eyebrows performed their usual hairline tango. “Tim, trust me, you are lucky to have found a tidy man. I’ve seen this place when—”

“Stop spreading tales.” I rolled my eyes. “Here’s the deal. Four months ago, Hindy dropped by one evening after Martin and I had conducted a stellar battle over him slapping me. The kitchen table’s contents were sprawled across the floor. During the argument, we tossed our food-filled plates like crazy people. Then we started on the glassware.”

“Too bad you didn’t crack a plate over his evil head.” Marcel scowled and sipped his wine. “Or better yet a grease-filled frying pan.”

“The temptation flirted with me.”

“I wish temptation had flirted you into real action. Enough, enough, I don’t want to talk about the odious man. Tonight I want to celebrate the season with true friends.” Marcel slithered from his sprawl and flicked on the TV. He clicked around until he laughed in merriment. “There it is. Bridget told me about this festive channel.”

Hindy sputtered in disbelief. “How remarkable. They actually broadcast a film of a burning Yule log? Hilarious.”

“A Yule log and traditional Christmas carols. How fun.” Tim raised his glass in glee before he poured Malbec. Damn, his shaky aim almost baptized my floor in dark-red goodness.

Marcel switched on the tree lights. The sparkly glow filled the room.

To my relief, Tim’s wineglass landed on the table before he applauded the festive light show. He seemed toasted enough to forget he held a glass in his hands. “Why did you turn off the lights during the party?”

“I don’t want to burn the living tree’s branches.” Marcel pointed to the large copper bucket holding the tree upright. “See, the spruce has a root ball. We’re donating the merry little tree to whatever city park needs trees. We can visit the spruce like proud parents.”

Hindy’s knowing stare met mine. “We are blessed old farts.”

“I agree.” I raised my glass for a communal toast. Our glasses clinked together without breaking anything although Tim almost fell off the couch. When it came to drinking, the slim blond was a lightweight.

Marcel switched off the room lights and returned to my side. He ruffled my hair. I wrapped my arm around his waist and pulled him close for a satisfied kiss.

We basked in the rainbow tree’s glow while watching the televised Yule log and listening to classic holiday tunes. The cozy scenario made sense. Tim and Hindy looked as settled as any old couple resting on a park bench, well, that is if the old couple wore black leather, black seersucker, or red-and-green plaid wool trousers. They sat holding hands and smiling for no good reason.

A gasp brushed my cheek. Marcel scrambled to his feet and pointed in fine dramatic style. I managed not to drop my wine. “Look, how cool, it’s snowing!” The pale light seeping through the right window framed his broad shoulders.

I admired his proud silhouette. Tim and Hindy stood to occupy the tall front left window. I stood and joined Marcel. There, a couple graced each window. Fitting. Outside the large flakes filtered down in indolent sloth. The streetlights illuminated their stately descent through the naked tree branches. This too made magical sense. I hugged Marcel close and kissed his temple.

Hindy shook his head in dismay. “I fear it’s time to find a cab.”

As he laughed, Marcel leaned over and prodded Hindy’s shoulder. “Why? You can use the spare bedroom.”

“Stay the night?”

“Look, we have plenty of treats and wine. I say let’s sit, eat, drink, and continue the celebration.” Marcel raised his glass into the air.

Tim clapped in glee. “I’m off tomorrow. I say yes.”

Hindy also lifted his glass into the air. “How wise. Why suffer winter’s bite? Jezebel loves her food dispenser, so no worries.”

Familiar thumping made me laugh. “Spazz wants to join the party.”

“Can I meet him in person?”

“Come on, Tim, I’ll let you hold his travel ball.”

Tim cooed in delight. Spazz entered his travel ball and danced in glee. My nutty hamster hated being left out of the action. Einstein stirred and started roaming through the colorful tube tangle. “Wow, Einstein is awake. These guys agree. They want to party. Go ahead, set Spazz on the floor.”

The merry Spazz rolled into the living room. He managed to bounce against Hindy’s and Marcel’s feet before he rolled back into the spare bedroom. I swear that hamster owned superior taste. No wonder, he was an alien.

We settled back into our comfortable cuddles. Marcel winked and kissed my cheek.

This time Hindy raised his wineglass into the air. The Yule log’s flames reflected off the glass. “My dear Tim, love for a pet is a sign of a good man. If you move in with me, will you bring along any pets? As you know, my ancient Jezebel is a sweetie, but she isn’t much on furry intruders. She does approval of you, which is enough for me.” Hindy set down his wineglass and stroked Tim’s long fine hair.

Marcel gasped. He gripped my shoulder until my muscles whimpered for release.

Tim almost hyperventilated. “Hindy, is this an offer?”

My friend flicked his pale left hand flicked through the air in imperial dismissal. “I planned to wait, but since our dear friends have created such a lovely romantic environment for us, I need to ask you tonight. After all, their love brought us together. Wise of them.” Hindy turned and winked at us before he grasped Tim’s hands. He kissed Tim’s knuckles and sighed in adoration. “Care to move in with me, sweetie darling? Care to be my much-needed breath of fresh air and keep dragging me from my shell?”

“Yes, yes, yes!” Their hug created a devoted tangle of black and blond hair.

Marcel’s triumphant smile tried to blind me. I squeezed him close. “Congratulations, matchmaker.”

A brief wing flutter vanished into the sparkling snow. Cupid, you are da man.

The four riders

The four riders

S.A. Garcia’s info:

Dreamspinner Releases including Cupid Knows Best:

http://www.dreamspinnerpress.com/store/product_info.php?products_id=3303

Silver Releases:

https://spsilverpublishing.com/index/book_authors_id/156/typefilter/book_authors/?zenid=ac057a68a642e1740ef798999fe7c6d0

S.A. Garcia’s World of Words: http://sa-garcia.macmate.me/S.A_Garcias_World_of_Words/S.A._Garcias_World_of_Words.html

Facebook: Sandra Ann Garcia

Twitter: @SAGarcia_Writer

Blog: http://oscarsbruisedpetals.blogspot.com/

Guest Blog with Kim Fielding

Brute by Kim Fielding

Today’s message is brought to you by Kim Fielding.

Like many other writers, I often mention brand names in my stories. I’ve recently seen a couple of reviews that have criticized this (for one of my books and for another author’s), so I thought I’d talk about the value of using brands.

The use of brand names is not me living vicariously through my characters, wishing I had their accoutrements. It’s also not motivated by my attempts to impress readers with my impeccable taste or expensive possessions. Right at this moment I’m wearing a sweatshirt from Target, fuzzy skull-print pajama pants from Sears, and fuzzy socks from Old Navy, and I’m drinking Diet Coke. Believe me, I am not going to convince anyone that I’m sophisticated. And if any author out there is getting product placement money for featuring certain brands, well, I’m not in on that deal.

When I use brand names, it’s because they can tell us so much about a character in an interesting way. For example, I could tell you that some secondary characters in my novel Good Bones are hippies. Or I could tell you that they wear Birkenstocks, drive a Vanagon, and brush their teeth with Tom’s of Maine. Brands can give us even further nuances. If I tell you that when these characters get home they’ll whip up something to eat using their Cuisinart and then plop down to watch Ellen, well, then we have my millionaire lesbian hippie futon queens, Cassidy and Pomegranate.

Here’s another example. In my Christmas story Joys R Us, which releases today, Reece drives a gray Accord and Angel owns a purple Scion iQ. Guess which one is the practical financial analyst, and which is the more fun-loving toy store manager.

We might not always like to admit it, but what we choose to buy says something about us—and it can say something about characters too. Dylan the hipster architect werewolf in my novel Good Bones? Diesel jeans. But Brett Hollister in my short story Tyler Wang Has a Ball is a rancher, and he wears Wranglers. Tight ones. When I give these kinds of specifics, I hope to make a story more colorful and more real, and I also want to help readers picture exactly who the characters are.

Brand names can even tell us something about character development and change. In Good Bones, Dylan starts out owning a Prius, of course. But after he buys a farmhouse—giving him room to run when the moon is full—he trades in that car for a Silverado. Meanwhile, his new neighbor is the rustic Chris Nock, who, as his relationship with Dylan grows, gradually shifts from Folger’s instant coffee to something locally brewed and probably sustainably harvested.

Brand names aren’t always useful, of course. I don’t think anyone cares what brand of toilet paper Dylan buys, or Reece’s favorite kind of dishwasher soap. And my newest novel, Brute, takes place in an alternate universe where magic exists. No brand names there. Besides, at least at the beginning of the novel, the hero doesn’t have any money to buy anything anyway. He has to save an entire year’s wages—hard earned as a manual laborer—just to buy a quick visit to one of the male whores in the capital city. Which he does, because that’s about the only company poor Brute ever gets. I never once mention in that novel what he uses to clean his teeth.

Brute by Kim Fielding

 

 

Brute

by Kim Fielding

 

Brute leads a lonely life in a world where magic is commonplace. He is seven and a half feet of ugly, and of disreputable descent. No one, including Brute, expects him to be more than a laborer. But heroes come in all shapes and sizes, and when he is maimed while rescuing a prince, Brute’s life changes abruptly. He is summoned to serve at the palace in Tellomer as a guard for a single prisoner. It sounds easy but turns out to be the challenge of his life.

Rumors say the prisoner, Gray Leynham, is a witch and a traitor. What is certain is that he has spent years in misery: blind, chained, and rendered nearly mute by an extreme stutter. And he dreams of people’s deaths—dreams that come true.

As Brute becomes accustomed to palace life and gets to know Gray, he discovers his own worth, first as a friend and a man and then as a lover. But Brute also learns heroes sometimes face difficult choices and that doing what is right can bring danger of its own.

 

Buy links at Dreamspinner Press:

E-book

Paperback

And at Amazon

 

Kim Fielding’s blog

Kim Fielding on Facebook

 

As part of the Brute Blog Tour, Kim Fielding is running a contest. All you have to do to enter is leave a comment on this entry, stating what kind of vehicle you’d love to own. Please leave your email address in your comment. You can comment at multiple blog tour entries for multiple chances to win! Click here for the full list of tour stops. Winners will be chosen on December 25. One person will receive a paperback copy of Brute and another person will receive an e-book copy of Brute.

 

Excerpt from Brute:

Time passed achingly slowly. Sometimes someone would pop out from one of the little doors and take one or more of the waiting people back in with them, but nobody ever came for Brute. New people came through the large entry doors, did a double take when they saw him, and sat far away. They were eventually escorted through doorways too. His ass grew sore from sitting on the hard bench, his stomach gurgled and growled, and worst of all, his bladder began to complain quite insistently. He knew it was impossible for the giant with the ugly face to have been forgotten, and yet none of the people who worked there even glanced his way. Maybe they thought he was a new and especially unbecoming statue.

Just as he was about to give in to desperation and ask where he might find a place to relieve himself, a round woman with a feathered hat and the widest skirts he’d ever seen appeared from the far left door and sailed in his direction. “This way,” she commanded.

His hips and legs had cramped a little as he sat, and he limped very badly as he followed her.

The far left door led to an office smelling of tea and crammed with books and papers. The woman went away and shut the door behind her, leaving Brute alone with a man who was a few years older than him. The man was dressed in rather plain clothes and was tiny—barely five feet tall and probably one-third Brute’s weight—but he managed to project an aura of such powerful authority that he was almost terrifying. He stood several feet away and looked Brute up and down slowly. “You have a letter?” he finally said.

“Um, yes sir.” Brute produced the paper from the folds of his cloak and held it out, but the man didn’t take it.

“You will address me as Lord Maudit. You may call me milord or Your Excellency as well, for variety’s sake.”

“Yes, Lord Maudit.”

Lord Maudit rolled his eyes and snatched the paper out of Brute’s hand. He tore open the seal without ceremony and scanned the contents. When he was finished, he considered Brute again, this time appraisingly. It reminded Brute of the way Darius would look over a mule he was considering buying. “So you’re a hero?” he said at last.

“I—no. I mean, the prince, he—”

“Needed to be rescued from his own foolishness. Again. And rather dramatically, I understand.”

Brute didn’t know how to answer that. He licked his lips nervously and fought the urge to shift his feet. His bladder was full to bursting, and the glimpses of the sea he could catch through Lord Maudit’s window weren’t helping.

“Not very chatty, are you?” the lord said. “Good.” He folded the paper and slapped it against his thigh before tossing it onto his desk. “Wait here.”

“Please!”

Lord Maudit was nearly to the door when Brute blurted out his plea. The little man turned, eyebrow raised. “Yes?”

“I need to—is there an outhouse? Milord,” Brute added hastily.

“Garderobe’s through there,” the lord said, waving at a narrow door in the corner. Brute made what he hoped was a dignified dash for it while the other man left through the main door.

To reach the garderobe he had to climb a set of very narrow, winding stairs. The stairs dead-ended in a rounded little chamber with tiny slits for windows. The room contained a wooden seat with a hole in it and a small table bearing an earthen pitcher of water. Fumbling his laces open one-handed seemed to take forever, but eventually he managed to get his trousers undone. He emptied himself with a long groan of relief. At least he hadn’t lost his good hand, he reminded himself for the thousandth time. The gods only knew how he would have managed to get himself undressed then.

Lacing back up again was even more troublesome, but at least his need was no longer quite so urgent. He just wished he could have managed to find a way to pour the water in the pitcher over his hand to cleanse it.

Lord Maudit’s office was empty when Brute descended the stairs. Brute resisted the temptation to poke around—he had an eerie feeling that the man would somehow know—and instead admired the view from the windows and then a large painting of a hunting party chasing a stag.

“Hideous painting, isn’t it?”

Brute jumped at the voice and whirled around. Lord Maudit had returned, but it was his companion who had spoken: Prince Aldfrid, attired in riding clothes and smiling broadly. The prince showed no sign of limping as he crossed the room. “I’m glad you’ve recovered enough to make the journey,” he said to Brute. “How are you managing?” He seemed genuinely concerned.

Brute pulled his stump out of his cloak pocket, which made Lord Maudit’s eyes widen. Apparently the prince’s letter hadn’t mentioned that Brute was maimed. “Your Highness, are you certain—” the lord began.

“Yes,” the prince interrupted sharply. “Completely. He’s the man for the job.”

“The job, Your Highness?” Brute asked.

“That’s why you’re here, isn’t it? I could just give you a sack of gold and send you on your way—you’ve earned it—but I’m guessing you’re not that kind of man. You want to be… useful.” His laugh sounded a little sad. “More useful than a king’s fourth son.”

Brute took a moment to consider the prince’s words. A sack of gold. He’d never have to worry about his livelihood again. He could buy a little cottage somewhere, have some clothing made that actually fit. He could eat decent food every day. And then… what? Sit by himself and wait to grow old and die? “I would like to be useful,” he confirmed. “But I don’t know what I can do for you, sir, not like this. I’m sorry.”

“Have you any skills at all?” Lord Maudit asked. “I suppose it’s too much to ask that you know how to write.”

Brute hung his head, ashamed. “I wanted to. Had no money to pay the schoolmaster.” After his parents were dead, when his great-uncle would send him scurrying around the village to fetch this and carry that, Brute used to pass the little schoolhouse now and then, and he’d pause long enough to gaze at it enviously. Once he’d even dared to ask his great-uncle to send him—Brute had promised to work twice as much to pay for it—but his great-uncle had cuffed him hard enough to send him sprawling, then growled that Brute was too stupid to learn.

“Doesn’t matter,” said Prince Aldfrid, pulling Brute out of the bad memory. “I have something perfect for you.”

“Aldfrid, you’re taking an enormous risk.” Lord Maudit sounded irritated with the prince, but in a resigned sort of way, as if he were used to conversations like this.

“He’s the one, Maud.”

“But the king—”

“My father, if he notices at all, will see that a very large and not especially bright man—sorry, Brute; I know you’re no idiot—has been put in place. That’s all.”

Brute stood there mutely, slightly surprised at the obvious familiarity between the men and not having the vaguest clue what they were talking about. But then the prince clapped him on the arm and grinned. “It’ll all work out. You won’t be seeing much of me, Brute, but if you need anything, just get word to Maud here and he’ll take care of it.” He smirked at Lord Maudit and sped out of the room.

Maudit briefly closed his eyes, as if he were in pain. “Scrambled your brains a bit more on those rocks, didn’t you, Friddy?” he muttered. Then he glared at Brute. “Follow me.”

It seemed that everyone was saying that to him today. But Brute shrugged and did as he was told.

He was led through another dizzying arrangement of corridors and stairways. Once he caught a glimpse of an enormous room—by far the largest he had ever seen—with a polished marble floor, gilded pillars, and a ceiling fresco considerably more elaborate than the one he’d been admiring while he waited. But he didn’t get a chance to enjoy it, because Maudit dragged him along at a pace surprising for a man with such short legs. Guards saluted when Lord Maudit passed, and various well-dressed functionaries and servants all tried to look more industrious. Maudit ignored them.

They eventually left the building—through a different door than the one by which Brute and the guard had entered—crossed an oblong grassy area where several women in colorful gowns sat and embroidered, and entered a narrow passageway between two buildings. The passageway dead-ended at a grim little building of dirty stone. The windows in the building were simply narrow vertical slits, and even those were covered by iron bars. The door was iron as well—arched and sporting a heavy bolt—with a bored-looking guard stationed outside. The guard snapped to attention when he saw them coming.

“Has everything been readied?” Lord Maudit snapped.

The guard nodded sharply. “Yes, milord. The maids just left.”

“Good. This is… well, Brute. Obviously. You’ve been told of his duties?”

“Yes, milord.”

“If he needs anything, make sure he gets it. I’ll be checking on him.”

The guard looked slightly horrified at the prospect but nodded again. Then he unlocked the door and waited for Maudit and Brute to enter.

This time, Brute found himself in a small hallway with a ceiling so low he almost had to stoop his head. The walls were rough plaster, dirty and cracked, interrupted now and then by doors made of thick dark timbers. The building smelled of damp and age, with a faint sickly sweet undertone, as if something had rotted long ago.

“What—” Brute began.

“In here.” Lord Maudit pressed the latch on one of the doors; the hinges squealed in protest. Brute stepped inside and saw, to his astonishment, a somewhat dim but comfortable-looking apartment. The ceiling was higher than that of the hallway, although he could still have brushed it with his fingertips. The room contained an oversized bed piled with quilts, a chest of drawers with an actual mirror on top, a solid table with two equally solid chairs, and a matching wardrobe and bookshelf. The window was tiny, of course, but the walls were hung with colorful tapestries that depicted scenes of beasts in the forest and creatures under the sea. A small stove with dark green tiles was tucked in one corner, but not lit today because the weather was far too warm.

And in one wall, over near another corner, was a door constructed of heavy iron bars, with only darkness visible behind it.

“Welcome to your new home,” said Lord Maudit from the doorway.

“But… what?”

“His Highness has decided that you will be a very specialized sort of guard, with only a single prisoner to watch over.”

“Prisoner?” Brute’s eyes strayed back to the barred door.

Maudit twitched one shoulder. “See for yourself.”

With some degree of trepidation, Brute crossed the room.

The bars separated the apartment from a small cell. He had to squint to see inside—there was no window slit in the prisoner’s space—but there wasn’t much to see. Bare walls, bare floor, and in the corner, a dirty pile of rags. But as Brute stared, the rags shifted slightly and chains clanked, and a matted mass of hair appeared from under the edge of the fabric. A man, Brute realized. He was looking at a man huddled under a blanket. Chains sounded again, and Brute noted the metal collar around the man’s neck, manacles on his wrists, and shackled ankles fastened by chains to bolts in the floor. It was impossible to make out any details of the man past his rat’s nest of hair and tangled beard until the prisoner lifted his head slightly. Brute gasped at the man’s obvious blindness: eyelids closed over sunken, empty sockets.

Lord Maudit sighed. He still hadn’t actually entered the room. “Brute, meet Gray Leynham.”

 

 

 

Top 12 Worst Gifts in Celebration of the 12 Days to Poppy’s Birthday

Today is such an exciting day for me here at “From Gay to Z.” I’m lucky enough to be one of the stops on the twelve day event celebrating the birthday of Poppy Dennison (cue the fanfare and confetti), who is perhaps one of the sweetest women I’ve had the pleasure of knowing. I met Poppy, who is also so beautiful and fabulous that she can only be described as beautimous, in October at GRL, and I have to tell you I was hooked.

Poppy Dennison

That’s why when I was asked to participate in this event, I jumped at the chance.

What can I do? I asked.

Create a top 12 list designed to make people laugh? WHOOHOO!

Conduct a short interview with Poppy? YAY!

Announce that Poppy will be giving away one of her books to a lucky commenter on my blog? Icing on the cake!

So, without further ado, let’s get this party started with my top 12 list.

THE TOP 12 WORST GIFTS TO GIVE TO YOUR SIGNIFICANT OTHER

#12: Money

Now, I know what many of you are thinking: WHAT? Who doesn’t love cold, hard cash? I know I do, especially when I find it in someone else’s wallet while they’re not looking, but to have someone I love give me cash as a present? I mean, really? Why not just tell me that you didn’t want to invest any time or effort on buying me something heartfelt?

Still, with that money, which is hopefully substantial enough to go a long way, I can buy myself something nice, which is why it’s at the #12 spot. Money is just too impersonal, and for me, it’s the thought that counts.

#11: A tie or a scarf

Unless someone specifically asks for one of these items, they should not be given as gifts. These gifts are more of an after thought than anything else. They tell the person receiving the gift, I couldn’t think of anything to get you, but when I saw this ugly ass tie/scarf, I thought instantly of you. Gee, thanks!

The only caveat to this is if the tie or scarf is intended for some trussing up in the bedroom later. Then, the gift zooms completely off this list and onto the BEST GIFT EVER list. But since I’m not writing that list, we shall hear no more of it!

#10: Luggage

Once again, unless asked for, giving luggage to your partner is a bad idea. All this gift really tells someone is that you are tired of his/her lazy ass and want her/him to move out. If that’s the message you want to send, then great. If not, move on to something else, or you might be the one using the luggage by the time the day’s over.

The only time this would be acceptable is if said luggage is Louis Vutton. Then, bring it on!

Fiber Optic Holiday Sweater

A light up Frost is a no-no! It’s neither trimming nor becoming

#9: A Fiber Optic Holiday Sweater

While holiday sweaters may be festive and fun, nothing tells your spouse how much you despise him/her, then by purchasing a holiday sweater that lights up like a prop from a National Lampoon’s movie.

#8: Made Up Coupons for Free Kisses, Hugs, and Other Assorted Shit

While this gift may at first glance seem sweet and thoughtful, it’s actually the opposite. What? Do I need a coupon now for some loving or for you to take out the damn trash?! These are things we should be doing in loving relationships anyway. To have to exchange these acts for a coupon is just your partner being L-A-Z-Y!

Here’s a coupon for you: One Empty Side of the Bed with purchase.

#7: Hair Removal Kit

While body grooming is en vogue, this gift is just a bad idea. What you are telling your loved one is that you’re tired of traveling through the dense bush of their pubic jungle to get to the treasure hidden miles underneath. If you buy this gift, make sure it’s a machete because you’ll need it for protection afterward.

Pubic Hair Dye

A rainbow crotch doesn’t even look good on Rainbow Brite!

#6: Pubic Hair Dye

Keeping with the “hair down there” theme, this gift is just plain awful. You’re basically telling your husband or wife that not only are they getting older, but their grey hair on their head has traveled below their equator. That will definitely get you banned from traveling down under for quite some time.

#5: A Gym Membership

While working out together is fun and a good way of keeping you both motivated, gifting a gym membership is basically your way of saying, “You’re fat, and we need to do something about that.” Buy one of these for your loved one, and your fat ass may be sitting at a table for one.

#4: Clothes that are Too Big or Too Small

Purchasing clothes for your significant other can be tricky. You must know the exact size and dimension of each other’s waists, chest, butts, and thighs or you are going to be in big trouble. Get something too big, and your accusing your partner of being fat. Get something too small, and you’re telling your partner either one or two things: I don’t know you well enough to know your size or I wish you were that small. Either way, you’re in trouble and you should probably start running.

#3: Adopt a Camel in the Serengeti or some other far away place

Look, I’m all about wildlife conservation, and if this is something your partner is into, then by all means go in to rescue a camel or dolphin together. Just don’t give that as a Christmas gift. I mean, if you’re gonna get me a camel, well then I darn well expect to ride that sucker a few times before calling a circus or zoo to take it off my hands.

#2: Fruitcake

Really? Enough said. See you at divorce court.

#1: Venereal Disease

This may be one gift that keeps on giving, but no one expects this as a present. You won’t be divorced after this one like if you gifted a fruitcake. That would simply be too kind. You’ll likely be dead. Just saying. So beware!

I hope you enjoyed my Top 12 Worst Gifts. They were designed to be funny but to also serve as a friendly warning to those people who might not be savvy gift givers. I’m sure our lovely Poppy will be receiving no gifts off this list. She’s just too great and will likely be appreciated as she should be.

Speaking of Poppy, it’s time to get to our interview. So, here we go:

JZF: What drew you to write m/m fiction? Was it just the hot man on man action or…. I’m sorry, my mind blanked there thinking about hot man on man action. So, um, yeah, what brought you to write gay romance? I hope it was the hot man on man action.

POPPY: Um, excuse me. I’m now imagining some hot man-on-man action. Did you really think I’d be able to answer this question without copious amounts of drool? Now just give me a minute to mop up and…

Okay, so I started writing m/m through fanfiction. I stumbled across one for my favorite soap of days gone by (Hello, General Hospital!) and became addicted. After a while, thoughts started forming in my head of my own characters. I’d wanted to write for years, but had never found the motivation. A friend and I were having a rather heated discussion about the women in paranormal romance, and he said that he wished someone would write a gay paranormal romance where one of the main characters had a child. The plot bunny was born and a year later, Mind Magic was published. J

JZF: You write paranormal stories featuring “burly bears” and “silver foxes.” If you had to choose between the two, which would you choose and why? And, no you can’t answer with a burly polar bear. You have to choose one because I’m trying to get you a birthday present here, so I kinda need to know which one you get and which one I can keep.

POPPY: Dang it, I have to pick ONE? That’s no fair, Jacob! I thought you liked me!! Can’t I have one of each??? Pretty please with sugar on top and a picture of…um…a burly bear and a silver fox together? *eyebrow wiggle*

If I have to chose, I’d probably pick…*bites nails*…a burly bear. Oh wait…hmm…argh! This is too difficult. I can’t pick, Jacob. I just can’t! Don’t make me!

JZF: Let’s say you’re actually given a burly bear or silver fox for your birthday, what are your plans for the evening? Don’t worry, it’ll be just between you and me. I won’t tell anyone who doesn’t happen to read my blog. 🙂

POPPY: Jacob, sweetheart…do you really need to know what my plans for the evening are? Because I’ve read your book and I know you have an awfully great imagination. I mean, if you imagine me riding some burly bear like a pony, you wouldn’t be far from reality. And if you think I’d kick a silver fox out of bed unless he wanted to do it on the floor, well…yeah. Let’s just leave it at that.

Thanks for coming to my birthday blog party! I loved you from the first moment we “met” doing Boxer Falls and meeting you in person was definitely icing on the cake. Or is that cake vodka?

And just in case anyone reading is wondering, feel free to get me a scarf for my birthday. I love them. But if you get me down under hair anything, you’re doomed.

I want to thank Poppy for gracing my blog with her fabulousness! And don’t forget, dear reader, leave a comment about this interview or the Top 12 Worst Gifts and you’re entered in a chance to win  FREE COPY of one of Poppy’s books. HOW FUN!!!

An Interview and Review of 3 on The Novel Approach

Today, I’m being interviewed on The Novel Approach. Click here for the interview. Also, if you haven’t won a free copy of 3 from the blog tour of the FB chat, you can leave a comment and be entered to win a free autographed copy of the book.

Also, The Novel Approach reviewed 3. The review can be found by reading below or clicking here.

“A talent for drama is not a talent for writing, but is an ability to articulate human relationships.” – Gore Vidal

3 is a book that surprised me.

Why? Well, let’s just say it wasn’t exactly what I was expecting it to be when I started reading it. What I expected was the story of three men working their way through the complexities of a ménage relationship, all the ups and downs, trials and errors, love and unavoidable insecurities. What I got instead is a story of infidelity woven into the story of two men whose relationship was on the brink of failing miserably. What I got was the story of a couple who weren’t looking to add a third to their partnership to help fill a void; rather, their story was that of a relationship that was already so fractured Justin Jimenez unintentionally found someone to fill a need that Spencer Harrison wasn’t satisfying. Justin found Lukas “Dutch” Keller, began an affair, regretted that affair in the midst of the realization that he still loved Spencer enough to fight for him, and left Dutch broken nearly beyond repair.

What 3 is, is the story of three credibly flawed men, men who’re sometimes tragically shortsighted and blind to their own needs and desires. They are three men who are each culpable in his own way for the failures of his relationships. This novel is a character study; it’s not an action packed tour de force, but, rather, is the exploration of the way in which the mystical and inexplicable force that is love will profoundly affect the events which gradually back these men into a relationship that isn’t a continuation of what was but is a beginning of something new, something unconventional, and something that grew from the whims of fate and coincidence but found roots in the absolute purpose of redemption and second chances.

It’s difficult to articulate how and why two people fall in love with each other—sadly, it seems much easier to explain why they fell apart. It’s even more difficult to articulate how and why three people can fall in love with one another, equally and unashamedly. 3 does so, beginning in the middle and then using flashbacks to catch the reader up, in a deeply dramatic study of the way it happened for Justin, Spencer, and Dutch. It wasn’t easy. It wasn’t pretty. It was intense. It was, at times, a study in endurance, but it worked in the end.